So I was on the phone to my dad and he said I am one of those people who at their natural weight carries “around an extra pound or two, like most people do”, after I explained to him that to stay around 130lbs I’d had to exercise constantly and restrict my calories and watch what I was eating 24/7, and that my period of not exercising and eating unrestrictively had led me to gain 10lbs.
After I started crying and said that he was calling me fat he said that it was just my eating disorder making me feel that way and that he didn’t mean that I was fat at all.
Erm, no, saying that someone “carries around an extra pound or two” is saying in a polite way that someone is fat. That’s not my eating disorder, that’s just a normal, everyday way of stating that someone is a bit overweight, and so obviously I am going to take it that way.
Am I right?
Now I want to cut the disgusting flesh off of my body.
When I was a kid I watched this episode of The Simpsons where Lisa is going to get braces and the orthodontist makes this simulation based on current growth rates and what she will look like if she doesn’t get them and after I watched it I couldn’t get the image out of my head and it really creeped me out and I told my mum and she got really sceptical about letting me watch The Simpsons again because of how disturbed I was.
I mean seriously, how terrifying is this?! I’m still getting freaked out looking at it now omg.
For this term at university our project was to be split into groups of 10 and organise a photography exhibition, which included finding a venue, hiring money for the venue (which can cost up to £500), producing an entire photography project where the finals will be exhibited, design posters/flyers/a logo, create an exhibition catalogue and a manifesto, create a blog/website, document the minutes of every group meeting, organise a private view, and print and frame our work, and curate the space which we have. Luckily we found a free venue but the space was a room with just windows not walls, so we had to buy fences to display our work on, and our own lighting too. We also have to pay for security, wine, and nibbles at the private view, and of course it costs to print and buy frames. So it has been a lot of work and stress negotiating money and getting everything sorted, but I’m excited for it being up and running on Monday 20th :D
So Meredith and I were discussing all time low moments.
Here is a list of my all time lows (without getting too serious because I don’t want to depress anyone):
This list could actually go on forever. My life is one big all time low moment ahaaaa.
I’m relapsing. I can tell this because:
Fuck, that is way more reasons than I thought existed. And there are probably more.
After making a dash for my front door and narrowly missing my 12/13-year-old admirer from next door making a dash to get out of his front door to talk to me, I heard him standing outside saying “Sarah! Sarah! … Ohhwwww I just wanted to see her. I just wanted to see her!” Oh god someone help me.